Family Time

I am just overwhelmed. . . with a lot of things, but mostly with the joy of having our little family of 3.  Early this morning, sometime between tired and drowsy, Ben was wide awake, so we bundled him up and laid him between us in bed and had a little family time.  Our favorite time is when his eyes are open, looking around, taking everything in.  He makes little faces. . .yawns, "o" mouth, furrowed brow, sometimes a smile, tongue sticking in and out. . . and we just can't get enough of watching our beautiful little boy.  John was talking to him, telling him all about how we waited so long for him to come and how God was faithful to bring him just at the right time.  Then he started telling him about what Sunday was, the day that we go to church.  He explained what church was and why we go.  I found tears streaking down my cheeks, as I often do these days, listening to the tender voice of my husband teaching our 6 day old about God.  Not only was I blessed with a precious little boy but I have been abundantly blessed with an amazing husband.

This afternoon during another awake time we had family church.  John read some passages from the Bible outloud and we prayed and sang some of our favorite worship songs together.  Ben watched us from my lap with such wide open eyes, listening to the voices he has heard all his little life.  Then we took communion, with crackers and juice we found in the cupboard, and held hands with Ben as we prayed and ate the bread and drank the cup.  What a precious time to share as a family and what an incredible moment to store up in my heart.

We have also been blessed to have my mom and dad and sister here with us every day to help. . .and what a help they have been.  Extra hands to make meals, clean up, hold Ben, burp Ben, walk Ben, change Ben, do laundry, and hold up tired weepy momma when she needs hugs and reminders that it is all going to be okay.  I don't know what we would do without them and it has made the transition to being at home so much better.  And John has been incredible.  He is ever calm, ever peaceful, ever helpful.  He does anything and everything he can to make it easier on me. . .holding a fussy baby for awhile longer to give me a break, holding me and giving me comfort, changing icky meconium diapers, changing sheets that have been peed on, waking up with me to help me get out of bed to feed Ben.  I knew he would be good at this father thing, but I didn't realize he would be THIS good!


This new parent thing is not for sissies, and it is a lot of work.  There are moments, like last night, when I feel like the world in caving in on me.  When Ben is crying and wants to eat even though it has only been an hour. . . again. . .and the thought of him latching on again just makes me want to cry because of how much it is going to hurt, and I am tired and feeling like I should be able to fix the crying and I can't always do it, and wondering if I will ever feel like normal again as the emotions crash over me like tidal waves.  Niagra Falls is ever at the edge of my tear ducts for moments like this and it just feels strange to be in my own skin.

And then the morning comes, and there is sun again, and my little boy looks up at me with wide open eyes and snuggles into my chest and my husband holds me in his arms and takes such gentle care of me and I know that my Father in heaven is holding me too.  Having time to spend with my Father and extra naps this morning have made me a new person and there is joy in my heart today, especially after spending such sweet time with John and Ben, that this new "normal" is going to be a wonderful thing.  

Here are some more photos of our little Ben!

Last day at the hospital, and going home!

  First time in the carseat for the trip home!

  Home at last, snuggling where I belong!

                                 Flowers from Gran and Pops

                                     

   Auntie Jenny makes me smile!

Ben looks so tiny in his Grandpa's arms. . . Ben is wearing a little romper with a Woody and a surfboard on top (Grandpa liked this one because he used to surf :)

 
Wide awake for church this afternoon!